Renouncing the Old Self: How To Stop Returning To Your Old Identity

A door can open and you can still stay seated. That’s the uncomfortable truth behind growth, and it shows up everywhere: the job you’re ready for, the hard conversation you keep postponing, the healthier version of you that feels “not like you” yet. We start with a story about freedom being available while identity stays trapped, then we bring it home to the ways we quietly return to old habits, old fear, and old self-talk.

We talk about why identity change is emotional, not just logical. The inner voice that says “don’t risk it” often isn’t evil, it’s protective, built from rejection, failure, or playing small to stay safe. But when your opportunities expand and your mindset doesn’t, you end up feeling like an imposter in rooms you’ve outgrown. I connect this to renewing your mind and learning to “put off” the old self instead of managing it forever.

Then we get practical with five simple practices you can use today: notice the pattern without judgment, stop rehearsing the old story, interrupt the inner critic without fighting it, act from the new identity before confidence shows up, and return again and again when you slip. Transformation becomes real in the small daily choices that retrain your mind and rebuild your self-concept over time.

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Transcript

When Identity Lags Behind Reality

The Old Self Tries To Protect

Renewing Your Mind For Change

Put Off The Old Self

Five Practices To Renounce Patterns

Small Daily Choices Create Transformation

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SPEAKER_01 0:49

Welcome to Transformative Living Radio, where we explore the power of intentional change for personal growth and fulfillment. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach. Now there's a story of a man who spent years in a prison cell. Day after day, year after year, the same walls, the same routine, the same identity. Then one day the doors opened. No announcement, no struggle, just open. The guard looked at the man and said, You're free to go. The man stood there staring at the doorway. Freedom was right in front of him. But something inside of him hesitated. Because stepping outside meant uncertainty. It meant becoming someone he had never become before. So instead of walking out, he sat back down. Now here's the part that hits closer to home. Because you don't need prison walls to experience that moment. You've grown, you've learned, you've become more aware. But then life places you in a moment that requires you to show up differently. Maybe it's a conversation, an opportunity, a decision. And right when you're about to step forward, that old voice shows up. You know the one that says, this isn't really you. Don't push it too far. Stay where it's stayed. And without even realizing it, you sit back down. Not because you're stuck, but because part of you still identifies with the person you used to be. Now I want you to lean into this episode because we all struggle with revisiting the old version of ourselves we've worked so hard to leave behind. So grab a pen and a pad, and if you're ready, let's begin. Hello and welcome to another empowering episode of Transformative Living Radio. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach. Now I want to return to that man sitting in the open cell. The door is open, freedom is available, but his identity hasn't caught up with his reality. And that's the part that most people miss. You see, life can change, your opportunities can expand, and your awareness can grow. But if your identity stays the same, you'll keep returning to what feels familiar. That's why someone can step into a new opportunity and still feel like they don't belong. Why someone can receive love and still feel guarded. Why someone can move forward but still feel like they're behind. You see, identity isn't logical. Identity is emotional. It's what feels like me. And if me still is tied to the past, you'll keep sitting down in rooms you've already outgrown. Now here's something important to understand. The old version of yourself isn't trying to hold you back, it's trying to protect you. That voice that says, Don't take risks, don't speak up, don't go too far, that voice was built from past experiences. Moments where playing small felt safer. Moments where staying quiet avoided rejection. Moments where not trying felt easier than failing. So over time your mind formed patterns, and those patterns became identity. But here's where the shift begins. In Scripture, Paul the Apostle writes, quote, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. End quote. That transformation is not surface level, it's not temporary motivation, it's a deep internal shift. Renewal means you stop rehearsing the thoughts that built the old you. Now this is worth repeating. Renewal means you stop rehearsing the thoughts that built the old you. You stop automatically agreeing with every internal voice. You begin asking, is this who I am or who I've been conditioned to be? Because if you keep thinking from the old identity, you'll keep returning to it. But when your mind begins to renew, your identity shifts. And when your identity shifts, your life follows. Now let's go deeper. In another part of the scripture, Paul the Apostle writes that we are to quote, put off the old self and put on the new, end quote. He didn't say to fix it. He didn't say manage it. He said put it off. Like taking off a garment. You don't argue with it. You simply recognize this no longer fits who I'm becoming, and you remove it. That's what this looks like in real life. Let me give you an example. You walk into a moment where the old version of you would shrink back. The voice shows up. Stay quiet, don't say too much, and instead of following that voice, you pause, you recognize it, and you choose differently. You don't fight it, you just don't identify with it. You don't put the old garment back on. You stay with the new. Even if it feels unfamiliar. Because unfamiliar doesn't mean wrong. It means you're no longer rehearsing the past. You're stepping into something new. Like the man at the door. The hesitation is still there. But this time, he doesn't sit back down. He steps forward. So now let's make this real. Because renouncing the old self isn't something you understand once, it's something you practice moment by moment. So let me give you five ways to begin doing that in your everyday life. Step number one, notice the pattern without judgment. You see, everything starts with awareness, but not harsh awareness. Not the kind that criticizes or shames you, the kind that simply observes. Let me give you an example. You're in a conversation and you feel yourself shrink back. You're about to speak, and that familiar hesitation shows up. You catch yourself thinking, I'm not ready for this. But instead of judging it, you pause and you name it. You say, This is the old version of me. Now the moment you do that is powerful. Because the second you can see the pattern, you're no longer inside of it. You've created space. And space is where change begins. Step number two is to stop rehearsing the old story. Now most people don't realize this, but they keep the old self alive by constantly replaying it. Replaying the past mistakes, replaying the past rejections, replaying the moments they felt overlooked or not enough. And every time you replay it, you reinforce it. Now at some point, you have to make the decision that you're not going to rehearse the old version of you anymore. Now that doesn't mean you deny the past, it means you stop feeding it. You stop telling that story as if it's still defining you. You stop introducing yourself to your future using your past, and that's where the freedom begins. Now, step number three is to interrupt the inner voice. Don't follow it. You see, that internal voice of yours, it's not going anywhere overnight. It's been well practiced. It's familiar. So it will speak. Now the difference is you don't have to follow it. You might hear, don't say that. You're gonna mess this up. This isn't the real you. But instead of obeying it, you pause and you remind yourself that that's the old voice, not the truth, not your future, just the pattern, and then you move forward anyway. And that's the shift. Not silence, but non-agreement. Now, step number four is really important to your overall transformation, and that is to act from the new identity before it feels natural. Now, this is where true transformation becomes real. You don't wait to feel confident to act confident. You don't wait to feel ready to move forward. You act from the version of you you're becoming. Even if your voice shakes, even if it feels unfamiliar, even if part of you wants to go back. Because every time you act from the new identity, you reinforce it. You teach your mind, this is who I am now. And over time, what once felt uncomfortable becomes natural. Step number five is to return again and again. Now let me be real with you, you won't get this perfectly. I don't get it perfectly either. There will be moments that you'll slip back. Moments you'll find yourself reacting from your old self. Moments where you hear that old voice and you'll follow it. Now this doesn't mean you failed, it means you're human. The key is not perfection, the key is consistent return. You catch it, you reset, you realign, and you come back to the version of you you were choosing to be. Every time you return, you weaken the old self. Every time you return, you strengthen the new one. Now, as we wrap up this episode, let me leave you with this thought. You don't renounce your old self once. You renounce it in moments. In moments you choose not to shrink, in moments you choose not to replay the old story, in moments you hear the voice, but don't follow it. That's where the shift happens. Not in one big decision, but in small, quiet choices you make every day. Because the old version of you doesn't disappear all at once. It loses its power every time you choose not to return to it. And that new version of you, it's not something you arrive at overnight. It's something you build moment by moment, choice by choice, step by step. So be patient with yourself, be aware of yourself, and most importantly, be willing to keep choosing who you're becoming. Because transformation isn't something you wait for, it's something you practice every single day. Well, that's our show for today. We hope that you found this episode both insightful and join us in tweet for five insights and inspiring stories and help you try a lot.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

We hope you can join us. We'll see you soon. To experience a free coaching session with Andre Flat, click the link in the show notes or contact him at Andre at Transformative LivingRadio.com. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a comment wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe.