Transformative Living Radio

Borrowing Brilliance: How to Seek Wise Counsel Without Draining Relationships

• Andre Flax

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Ever notice how problems grow heavier when carried alone? That weight isn't your imagination—it's what psychologist Ethan Cross calls "the tunnel effect of chatter," where stress narrows our vision until we see only obstacles, never solutions.

When life pressures mount, our minds create tunnels that trap us in negative loops—"I can't do this" or "I'll never figure it out." We become our own worst enemies. But there's a powerful antidote that doesn't require years of therapy or expensive courses: borrowing brilliance through wise counsel. Not just venting (which often keeps us stuck), but strategic conversation that widens our perspective and illuminates paths forward.

The art of borrowing brilliance requires three essential components. First, choose your counsel wisely—not everyone deserves access to your inner world. Some people project their fears while others offer genuine wisdom. Be selective, like Thomas Edison with his trusted circle. Second, frame your request—don't just unload; shape the conversation. Ask "What might I be missing?" instead of "I don't know what to do." This honors both the person and the process. Finally, retain your power—counsel is a compass, not a captain. Maya Angelou exemplified this balance, seeking wisdom while owning her choices completely.

This approach isn't just practical advice—it's backed by both ancient wisdom and modern science. Proverbs tells us "plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed," while research confirms that perspective-giving conversations reduce stress and increase clarity. The beauty is that when you borrow brilliance, everyone rises. Wisdom shared doesn't deplete—it multiplies. Your journey was never meant to be walked alone. The clarity you seek might be just one conversation away, waiting to be invited in. Will you reach out to your wise counsel this week?

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Transformative Living Radio, where we explore the power of intentional change for personal growth and fulfillment. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach. Have you ever noticed how heavy problems feel when you carry them alone in your mind? It's like they grow louder the longer you sit with them, until they start echoing like thunder in your chest. But then sometimes you share what's weighing you down with the right person, someone who listens deeply, sees clearly and speaks truth back into you, and suddenly the storm feels lighter, the skies begin to clear. That's not an accident. That's the power of wise counsel. In today's episode, we want to talk about how to borrow brilliance, how to seek wisdom from others in a way that helps you grow, without draining your relationships or giving away your power. So grab a pen and a pad and if you're ready, let's begin. Let's begin. Hello and welcome to another empowering episode of Transformative Living Radio. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach. In today's episode, we want to talk about how to borrow brilliance, how to seek wisdom from others in a way that helps you grow, without draining your relationships or giving your power away, because when we seek counsel the right way, we don't just borrow someone else's clarity. We multiply our own.

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One of the biggest reasons why we need outside perspective is when life pressures us, our vision narrows. Psychologist Ethan Cross calls it the tunnel effect of chatter. Under stress, we get locked into one storyline, one negative loop such as I can't do this, I always mess up or I'll never figure this out. Think about that. The mind becomes a tunnel, showing us only the problem, never the solution. Melissa was a young woman who was paralyzed by a career decision. She told herself over and over if I make the wrong choice, I'll ruin everything. That was her tunnel. But when she opened up to someone, she trusted. Their words widened her tunnel. But when she opened up to someone, she trusted. Their words widened her perspective. They reminded her of her resilience and of the truth that no single decision defines her life. Suddenly, melissa could breathe again.

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Now, let's face it Many of us don't seek counsel. We vent, and venting feels good in the moment, like an open pressure vow, but without. I listened. But after months I realized he wasn't looking for clarity. He was looking for company in his stuckness. Now here's the danger when you only vent, you rehearse the problem. You deepen the grooves of self pity. Instead of creating a path to change, venting keeps you in the storm. Wise counsel helps you find the path out.

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So how do we seek counsel in a way that's powerful and honoring? Well, I call this the art of borrowing brilliance, and there are three components to it. The first component is to choose your counsel wisely. You see, not every voice deserves access to your spirit. Some people project their fears, while others simply echo back your doubts. So you want to choose the ones who lift you, who see you and who have a track record of wisdom. Take Thomas Edison, for example. He didn't run every ideal past the whole world. He had a trusted circle. He was selective, and you should be too.

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Now the second component to the art of borrowing brilliance is to frame your request Instead of unloading. Shape the conversation. Don't say I'm lost, I don't know what to do. Say something like here are some options. I'm weighing. What do you see that I might be missing? That single shift transforms the exchange. It honors the person you're asking, asking and it creates space for clarity. Now the third and most important component is to retain your power.

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Barring brilliance doesn't mean to outsource your life. Counsel is a compass, not a captain. Maya Angelou, the great author and poet, was brilliant at this. She always sought counsel, yes, but she always owned her choices. That's what makes counsel empowering and not enslaving. Now I want you to reflect upon this who are the three people in your life you can trust for perspective? Write their names down, and who are the ones who keep you circling the storm? Be honest Now.

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The art of borrowing brilliance isn't just good advice, it's also spiritual law In the book of Proverbs. It says law In the book of Proverbs. It says plans fail for the lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. Let me say that again. Proverbs says plans fail for the lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. And science affirms the same truth.

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Ethan Cross's research shows that when we invite perspective giving conversations, our stress drops and our clarity rises. And here's the beauty when you borrow brilliance, no one loses Wisdom. Shared doesn't deplete, it multiplies. Both people rise in the exchange. So how do we put this into practice? Well, there's three things I want you to do this week. Number one write down your wise counsel. Circle Three to five names. Protect that list. Number two frame your question when you reach out, don't just unload. Invite perspective and three own your decision, listen, reflect, then choose for yourself, because your inner critic thrives in isolation. But when you borrow brilliance, you step into shared wisdom, shared clarity and shared strength. Remember, counsel doesn't weaken you. It makes you wiser. And every time you borrow brilliance, you build brilliance within yourself.

Speaker 1:

Now, as we wrap up this episode, I want to leave you with this thought you were never designed to walk this journey alone. The wisdom you need is often closer than you think, woven into the voices of those around you waiting to be invited in. You see, the art of borrowing brilliance isn't about giving away your power. It's about expanding your vision. It's about being humble enough to say I can't see it all, and wise enough to choose the counsel that lifts, guides and sharpens you. But never forget counsel is a compass, not a captain. You borrow perspective, you borrow strength, but the choice, the authority, the responsibility of your life remains in your hands. Well, that's our show for today. We hope that you found this episode both insightful and inspiring. Join us each week for practical tips, actionable insights. Join us each week for practical tips, actionable insights and inspiring stories to help you transform your life. We hope you can join us.

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We'll see you soon to experience a free coaching session with andre flats. Click the link in the show notes to book your coaching session today or contact him at andre at transformative living radiocom. If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a comment wherever you get your podcast and share it with friends.