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Transformative Living Radio
Finding Balance For Everyday Living With Special Guest: Brian Croak, Expert in Counseling
On this episode of Transformative Living Radio, Brian Croak, a seasoned professional in Christian counseling, shares invaluable insights on maintaining a holistic balance in life. Using the metaphor of a bicycle wheel, Brian unveils practical strategies to keep the spokes of our lives firm and aligned, addressing common pitfalls and guiding us toward achieving a more harmonious life.
Explore how childhood scripts and deeply ingrained values shape our sense of balance and well-being. Brian delves into the importance of reassessing these scripts and personal values to prioritize what truly matters. Brian introduces thought-provoking techniques such as "living your life backwards" to help us realize the abundance we already possess. Learn how feedback from close relationships can serve as a vital indicator of imbalance and discover the role of accountability partners in maintaining this equilibrium. So, if you're ready, let's begin.
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Welcome to Transformative Living Radio, where we explore the power of intentional change for personal growth and fulfillment. I'm your host and certified life and leadership coach, andre Flax. Finding balance is crucial for maintaining a high quality of life and work, as it creates a feeling of wholeness and completeness. In today's episode, we'll explore how to find balance in both life and work with our special guest, brian Kroek, a licensed professional in the field of counseling. So if you're ready, let's begin. Hello and welcome to another episode of Transformative Living Radio. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach Radio. I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach. Today we have a special guest, someone who I consider is an expert in the field of Christian counseling Brian Croke. Welcome to the show, brian.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Andre. It's a real privilege to be with you.
Speaker 1:Great Now, Brian, you and I have known each other for quite some time, but could you please share with the audience a little bit about yourself and your expertise in the field of counseling?
Speaker 2:Yes, I'll be glad to do it, andre. Yeah, I was privileged to meet Andre when he was an undergrad at Rutgers University. Early on, right there on the main street, george Street of New Brunswick, we became roommates and then very good friends. I was blessed to be his best man at his wedding and, after becoming a pastor for 22 years, I felt a call to expand my horizon and went for a second master's degree in counseling and since 2020, have been in private practice.
Speaker 1:Thanks for sharing that, Brian, and I can't believe it's been 35 years since we first met and in those 35 years I really come to appreciate all that you've done and all that you're currently doing to help people transform their lives. So this episode is about helping people to find balance in their everyday life, If you can share with us how you define balance in the context of everyday living.
Speaker 2:Great question, andre. So even before we get into life-work balance as is very common parlance that people speak in now just balance in general. I would say emotional, spiritual, relational and vocational and we'll talk more about vocation, which is more than just your job, but making sure that all those things are working. I liken it to back when we had, you know, in the center of your bicycle you have your hub and then you have spokes, and balance would be that all those spokes are working, that they are firm and they're not wobbling or loose. So if you feel around the rim of a bicycle tire, you feel the spokes, and if those spokes are off balance or rusty, they need to be replaced. So what I like to think of you know, my relational life, my artistic life, my emotional health and my work life are those spokes firm? And if they're not, then attend to the ones that need balance. Some of them are already solid and strong and they need less attending to.
Speaker 1:Gotcha. And so in your practice today, what would you say is the most common area that you find people lack balance in?
Speaker 2:I would say people get very caught up in financial goals or financial just to sustain yourself on a week-to-week basis that that could become very, very consuming. Of course, the economy is not in great shape. With inflation, people are being stretched paycheck to paycheck. That causes its own pressures, andre. So I think what I see often, and what we discuss often in our sessions, is to not be so driven where you have such a preoccupation with making that goal or making that raise that you're not slowing down enough to just enjoy the simple things you know taking time to see where you're underway to your job, what things you pass, taking a bicycle ride to slow down your life. It's amazing the power of just getting on a bicycle, because we're often so often in our cars or if we work from home that we're so often on our monitors of our laptops. So I think what we try to work on is think of the things that you actually enjoy and if you're only spending too much time seeking after and chasing after money, then I think you're out of balance.
Speaker 1:Are there any signs that might indicate a person's life is out of balance? Could you give some examples or symptoms that would lead you to believe that someone's life is out of balance?
Speaker 2:Yes, I would say that when a client comes to me and they report they're out of balance, that they're maybe, let's say, on the opposite side, not attending to their financial goals, spending too much time in procrastination. They are out of balance because they're not pursuing goals, and I think goals should be pursued both in your job and also in your personal life. So if they self-report but the other source, andre, is when the relationships in their lives repeatedly point back to that gap or that lack of balance, when your children or your friends or your girlfriend, boyfriend or your spouse, they are sources of data and to say, wow, I keep hearing the same message from people close to me. I better pay attention. Something is out of balance. I'm either pulled too much into one area or I'm neglecting something.
Speaker 1:So when it comes to finding balance. What are some practical strategies or techniques that a person can use to help bring their life back into balance?
Speaker 2:I can't think of something more practical and it can never be overestimated is the power of stillness, starting especially at the beginning of your day, but also throughout the day, to carve out and guard two to three minutes of sheer silence and quiet, doing deep breathing, doing visualizing, of putting yourself in a place where you're not in the role of performing.
Speaker 2:It's so easy, andre, to fall into this belief that I am a human doing and we forget we are a human being. So knowing that all that comes in our day that we're about to enter into, or the day that we left behind from yesterday, that before we step out onto the canvas, we are, we love, we are valued, we are and I use the word vocation we are called, we are called to do our work. Not only is the sun a gift and the flowers a gift and the ocean a gift and stillness where we can say hold on, I'm not the sum total of my performance or people's approval, or a paycheck or the ability to pay the mortgage. I am loved and valued as I am. So I think stopping during the day looking at pictures is a great way to keep balance, to make sure that we have goals, not just professionally, but also hobbies or travel. Okay, I'm going to plan something. Have a calendar is a great strategy that you plan at regular intervals of getaways.
Speaker 1:Gotcha. So you mentioned a couple of things. The first one you mentioned was finding some time for stillness. Now I know in my own personal life, before I got to where I am today from a personal development standpoint, when I started out finding when I would get quiet, I found that my mind would race all over the place. Are there any quick techniques you could suggest to people? Because typically when people go into the silence or the quiet their minds tend to take over and they can be distracted. What are some practical ways in which people can kind of bring their mind or calm their mind down or bring those thoughts under control?
Speaker 2:Yeah, great question. Well, I'd say, besides the deep breathing, knowing the difference between meditation and contemplation when we meditate, or acceptance. Acceptance and staying with one word is a way of meditation, so that when we get distracted we can come back to it. Visualizing is also a wonderful way to quiet the mind, to draw up in our imagination a picture of a place where we feel completely ourselves, there's no role we have to play. It could be a place of nature, it could be a part of our yard where we can draw from the sights, the sounds, the smells and savor that and feel it and the touches and try to make that as vivid as possible. That is another great tool. And then there's contemplation.
Speaker 2:Contemplation is, rather than having your eyes closed and turning something over it's, being awake in the moment. I often will use an object like a plant, and just having a person or myself slow everything down and just look at the details of the leaf of a plant and stay with it, and in other words, you're paying attention to what's in front of you rather than letting your mind race to what happened or what's going to happen. And when we drift and we will to what's going to happen or what we just did the anxiety of both past and future. We gently bring ourselves back to the leaf of the plant and just say this is where I am right now and I have permission to be here only and no place else. So I think that is another very effective tool.
Speaker 1:Wow, excellent. So let's shift a little bit. We talked about personal balance. Work-life balance is a major concern for many people today. How do you define what work-life balance is and what advice would you offer to someone who might be struggling with work-life?
Speaker 2:balance. It would be defined as my work is not my identity. And if I find my identity in my work, then take note, that's a major check-in to yourself to say something's out of whack. My values are derived from my job, because when I lose my job or I lose my ability to work my job, then my life is in trouble because I'm deriving my sense of purpose and identity only from the job. So balance would be like let me draw from my other parts of my life relationships, skills, pursuits, travel, other areas. I want to build discipline and say these are also parts of my life.
Speaker 2:But ultimately my identity comes from God. My identity comes from that. I am created, that my life is a gift. It's not something I earn. So when I'm too stressed and harried, andre, when I'm deriving my worth from the boss's approval or my colleague's approval or what I may accomplish, or I'm so driven by getting that promotion, most likely those are clues. My life's out of balance and I need to realize wait a second my identity ultimately will not come from these things, gotcha.
Speaker 1:So, as a counselor, I'm sure you've worked with clients who may have come to you with struggling with work-life balance. Could you share any personal experiences or success stories from clients who you've worked with who found success with balancing work and life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think part of what we do is we look at the scripts and I know you've done work on this too, andre the scripts from our childhood and a lot of people who are very driven or feel they don't measure up no matter how successful, quote unquote they are. They had to look at the scripts of their childhood to say where did that message come from? It could be I'm never as good as an older sibling, or I never will measure up to my father or mother's standards, and learning to trace back what is the source of that script? If my life is out of balance and realizing I can give myself a relaxation, I can actually give myself a day off. You'd be amazed how many people really struggle with taking a day off.
Speaker 2:I think that's really important and I have this saying live your life backwards. Imagine the end of your life, imagine when you can't be as active. Imagine even you know your funeral. You know and, as I say, nobody will be saying, gee, I wish I worked more at the office. That's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:So what we want to do is live our life backwards and remember what are the things I want to achieve in each decade, in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s and 80s, and then, if we can imagine, at 75 or 80, and then, looking back, where is the investment that I want to be able to leave as a legacy and that's another good technique is to live my life backwards and to realize there are relationships that maybe need attending to that are unresolved. I want to do that now. There's certain areas of my profession that I'm avoiding because I don't think I'm good at it. Well, how can I get training to get better at that? I want to be able to say I had enough and I think this goes back to the drivenness we have usually enough for today and to look at the stress and anxiety and ask yourself why do you feel you need more?
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's valid, but sometimes I find with clients that they can't live in the moment and say I have enough, I could have more, but you know what? I have enough for today, thank God, and most of us are dealing with first world problems. Some of us have more challenges economically, culturally, it's true, but often people who have less can teach people who are more materialistic that you have enough for now and I think, living with that understanding I have enough versus I always want to be striving for more yeah, I think it's a healthy balance between you know pursuing your goals or your vision and knowing that you know those visions or those goals may take time and, to your point, feeling that in this present moment I have more than enough.
Speaker 1:It's easy said than done, especially for those who are driven, who are looking to always move to the next level or grow to the next level. I think it's important for people to hear that that in the present moment is defining that right now, at this moment, I have enough and that tomorrow will take care of itself. And that's where we find that healthy balance. Now we're coming up towards the end of the program, so I want to give you an opportunity to give your final thoughts or advice to those who might be listening and maybe asking a question. This is great, but where do I start and how do I start? So if you can share some final thoughts or advice on how someone who is still struggling with either work-life balance or just balance in their own personal life, what advice or final thoughts would you like to leave?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, andre, for this opportunity. I would encourage your listeners to go back to that image of the bicycle wheel with the spokes and take time to, if you want, to draw a picture of that bicycle wheel and name the spokes in your life. And these would be your values. Okay, relationships, it could be being exposed to other cultures. Okay, these are the values. What's what is weak, what's not? Financial security could be another one, a particular hobby that you want to pursue Looking at your Is hireability.
Speaker 2:Am I hireable? Are my skills up to date? How do I need to make that more so so I'm remain a hireable person, and identify each of those and then look at which ones are weak, which are underdeveloped. Maybe I'm spending too much time, maybe one of those values is being physically fit, but I realize I'm a gym rat and I'm spending maybe six days at the gym and I really don't need to do that, and so I decide I'm going to take piano lessons and I'm going to cut back the gym for now to three days, so some of those spokes could be overdeveloped.
Speaker 2:I think that could be one way, and then writing in a journal and talking to someone, I think, taking these reflections and come to a trusted friend. It could be your therapist, but it could be just a trusted friend. Say, here's what I reflect on, here's what I've concluded. Would you help me pursue the accountability I need? And would you help me pursue accountability, rather? And let me come back to you and report on my progress, because once you're telling yourself that that person, you've given them the right to ask you hey, how's that going? You mentioned you want to lose 10 pounds, you want to start looking at new website domains. So now, when we tell a trusted friend, it can really push us in a gracious and gentle way, but also very firmly, in a direction going forward.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you're talking about accountability and finding an accountability person, a partner or someone that you, as you said, could be a trusted advisor, a counselor, a coach, a counselor, a coach you're mentioning having that person to hold you accountable, in a way to make sure that you find the kind of balance you're looking for in pursuing whatever it is that you're looking to do.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, Andre, and I think for some people when they think of a therapist, it can be a bit daunting or like gee, what's wrong with me? And that's where some people don't really need that. They would really do better with someone like yourself, you know, who specializes as a life coach, so I would recommend finding a life coach like yourself as a good place to start. Excellent.
Speaker 1:So, for those who might need more than a life coach but maybe looking for some counseling, where can listeners find more information about your work and how can they connect with you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, Andre. If our listeners are in New Jersey, I have a license in New Jersey to meet with clients and it could be in person, which my office is in Bricktown New Jersey, or it could be online. They can find me at my email, brian at healingbranchcounselingcom. That's healingbranchcounselingcom, and I'll be glad to follow up with them.
Speaker 1:Well, that's our show for today. We hope that you found this episode both insightful and inspiring. Join us each week for practical tips, actionable insights and inspiring stories to help you transform your life. We hope you can join us.
Speaker 3:We'll see you soon To experience a free coaching session with Andre Flax. Click the link in the show notes to book your coaching session today, or contact him at andre at transformativelivingradiocom. If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a comment wherever you get your podcast and share it with no-transcript.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, brian, I want to personally thank you for taking the time to share your insights and thoughts about finding balance in everyday living. We appreciate you. What you gave us is a lot to think about. We appreciate your time and we look forward to talking to you more in the future. All right, I'll have a good night and that's our show for today. We hope that you found this episode both insightful and inspiring. Join us each week for practical tips, actionable insights and inspiring stories to change your life. We hope you can join us. We'll see you soon, all right.